Reflecting on our Egg Retrieval provokes sharp feelings. We ended up retrieving on Father’s Day morning at 9:15 in the morning. Getting to that moment was truly one of the hardest physical, mental, and emotional undertakings of my life. I calculated the number of injections I gave myself (25) and the number of ultrasounds (6) […]
I’m stimming!!!!! I have been for 6 days now, actually. At this exact moment in time I have self-administered 14 subcutaneous (in my stomach) shots intended to stimulate my follicles and grow many eggs. Fourteen shots straight into my body! I’ve had three blood draws and 3 ultrasounds over the past…3 days. I go in […]
Today is Day 1 of IVF (again). Life has moved forward since I was last in this spot. My body has shed a cyst, began a menstrual cycle, tolerated the Nuva Ring for 16 days and a endured a hysteroscopy. Hands down, the hysteroscopy was my least favorite part of all of this. While results […]
It’s been 37 days since IVF was cancelled. 37 days. To move forward, my body needs to ovulate and get rid of the cyst that they found 37 days ago and I need to start my period. I contacted my nurse on day 35 and she suggested I come back into the clinic for blood […]
I am standing still. And because I am standing still, I am beginning to obsess about ridiculous things. At the moment, I am frantically trying to find the ‘perfect’ dress for a charity gala we’re attending this upcoming Friday night. I’ve messengered my friend who invited us multiple times. I’ve texted my husband to interpret […]
Mother’s Day is in 11 days. I am a mother to a beautiful, energetic, witty, 3 (nearly 4) year-old girl. And yet, when making plans for our annual celebration with family, I was struck with pangs of grief. Why? Why does a lump form in my throat when I picture myself honoring this routine, yet […]
1 in 8 couples suffer from infertility. I hate that we’re a part of this statistic with all my heart. I’ve joined this statistic against my will and against my desires. And against my greatest efforts. We are still waiting to understand why we are a part of this statistic. The not knowing is torturous. […]
It turns out that there actually IS something worse than IVF injections…having your IVF cycle cancelled. That is worse. Much, much, much worse. I have been dreading returning to this space to write about what happened. I have gone through a full spectrum of emotions about it. Everything ranging from intense anger, helplessness, and despair […]
Today is Day 1. I have finished my birth control. I started an oral steroid medication (dexamethasone) this morning and we have our ‘Baseline Appointment’ tomorrow (blood work and ultrasound) before we get the ‘go ahead’ to begin my ‘Stim’ injections to grow my eggs. I am actually sitting here typing and sipping my decaf […]
First, the gritty details: I have 3 more days of my birth control pills (the nausea I’ve been experiencing from them the past 13 days has subsided, mostly) and then I begin a steroid pill and my injections for our egg retrieval. I will be giving myself a subcutaneous shot in the stomach (Menopur) and […]
"Be brave. Without bravery, you will never know the world as it longs to be known. Without bravery your life will remain small - far smaller than you probably wanted your life to be."
-Elizabeth Gilbert
'One thing you can't do if you want to be LOVED...is HIDE.'
-Glennon Doyle Melton