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Social Media Dilemma

/December 4, 2018/ 41 Comments

A friend of mine from high school died last week. We’d lost touch over the past 13 years, but we kept in touch via social media. I watched him get married and have three little boys with a woman whom he appeared to adore. And then one day I noticed that he was sick. Instead of reaching out, I went on with my life and periodically checked in to see how he was doing via the internet. And then last week his wife posted that he had lost his battle with a brain tumor.

That’s the thing about social media. I had a false sense of connectedness to this person whom I’d cared for very much when I was younger. I appreciated knowing about his life from a distance, but the intimate posts of life adventures, personal thoughts, and milestones provided some sort of closeness that didn’t align with the very real divide of not actually seeing this person…for 13 years.

I wondered about the other people I’m friends with on my social media. I know I don’t know everything just from viewing pictures and posts, but somehow it feels like I do and so when something as real as cancer takes the life of someone I propose to know anything about…it is a little traumatizing. I wasn’t prepared and also why did I feel like I deserved to be? We hadn’t sought each other out in any forum other than social media for…years.

I’ve often wished that people would present themselves more candidly on these sites. Most people I know put their best pictures up for everyone to see. They try to remain fairly politically correct with the desire to minimally offend anyone. Rarely do I see posts, pictures, and personal stories that touch that place of reality for me. When people do offer the dark, real, struggles they’re going through I’ve seen their pain met with denial, frustration, and confusion. Seems we want this connection to remain as superficial as possible. You show me your happiest moments and I’ll show you mine.

Maybe it’s a way for us to escape our realities. I know I’d rather open up my computer to see a picture of my children smiling and looking like they just stepped out of a magazine, especially if it’s going to be up for all to see for…who knows how long. If I were to publish a picture of my son’s face when he is screaming it would be met with discomfort. Or how about a picture of what I look like after I’ve cried for an hour straight after a totally overwhelming day? I could call it ‘Victory Picture.’ Because that’s what it would be. Because that’s what getting through a hard day is for me and why shouldn’t there be pictures of that? If there are pictures of me doing activities with my children (just as much of a victory), then why not include that peak moment in a horrible day where I have emoted, grieved, and realized that I got through and will do it all again tomorrow?

The thing is, I have appreciated social media in my life. I like feeling connected to other people and having to exert minimal effort to do it. I like learning about the world through different articles that pop up for me. (Though I’ve learned that these sites tend to provide us with material that they think we will appreciate.) I have also enjoyed the praise received through sharing of pictures and ideas…if I’m being totally honest. As a stay home parent it’s very easy to feel disconnected from the world and social media has been a source of comfort.

Until now, really.

My friend’s death has shown me just how disconnected I truly am.

And so, I want to find other ways to have those things I appreciated about social media. I do like being connected to groups and individuals on these sites, but I am going to learn how to use them differently, so that I do not feel artificially connected through the internet.

Maybe the next time someone I care about is sick, I can tell them how sorry I am for their struggle instead of ‘liking’ a post they’ve shared.

I miss my friend. Sending love to him wherever he is.

Jessica

 

41 Comment

  1. Sorry to hear about your friend! This is never easy to hear, especially as young as he was. He is free of his pain and watching down on his family from heaven till they meet again! You are in my prayers as well as his family.

  2. I’m so sorry for the loss of your friend, sweetheart. Facebook definitely keeps us connected but also can create such distance…a paradox for sure.

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